Confinement Corporation of America's Vice President of Business Development William Van Alden startled educators across Missouri during a press conference this weekend. "Confinement Corporation of America will now takeover and expand the current Charter School program in Missouri and within three years manage every public school in the state."
He continued "For far too long we as a society have placed the cart before the horse. In a corporately dominated culture run by a corporately controlled government and corporately selected officials, why in the world are we not educating our kids in an approved and efficient corporate manner? The United States has 5% of the world's population but 25% of the world's prisoners. That is not an accident. Companies like CCA have expanded and developed new profit centers and innovated in bringing value to shareholders like no one else."
When asked how CCA would make a difference Van Alden replied "Tell me you've never said to yourself 'school is like a prison'. Of course you have, and CCA can make that a reality. Our goals include curbing curiosity, eliminating originality, crushing creativity and destroying hope. Those are personality defects we can fix. No one does it like us."
"And don't forget, since we are a corporation, our first priority is to increase the return on investment year after year. By streamlining unit (student) performance goals and centralizing production facilities (schools) we expect to generate higher performance (standardized test scores) and cut per unit (student) costs dramatically. We also provide another service. Parents need three things from a school (1) the feeling that they have a choice (2) the ability to take zero responsibility for their children's performance and (3) a 24 hour a day customer service hotline where they can be reassured their kids are becoming the thoughtless, consumption driven androids they always wanted them to be. This is a win-win Missouri. "